your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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