i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
