Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
