My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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