ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
