so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
