i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
