I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize