sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
