The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
