honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
