Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
