Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize