Even the bartender felt bad for me
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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