it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
