i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Text me some of your sweat
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
