I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
