So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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