I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
