You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
