Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
