I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
