She said her name was "party"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize