Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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