I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
