I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have aggressive nipples.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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