Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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