I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
