like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
