I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
