Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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