If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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