it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
