I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
