I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
