Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
