You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
