I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
