I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
