Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
