I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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