I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
