Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
They have beer where we have blood.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
