I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
