im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
