I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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