brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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