so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize