I love black thongs
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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