Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
