So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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