WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
