She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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