We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize