i jhust puked up my retainher.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize