He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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