Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
