did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
