are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
