Are we in a gay sports bar?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
