my room smells like sperm. sweet.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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