You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
