shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize