pop tarts are not kleenex
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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