so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
