I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
