y did u give ur computer a hand job?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
