where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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