I'm so fucking centered right now
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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