I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
