does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
