i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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