i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
