PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
