Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
