Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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