I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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