thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
