i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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