capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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