so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
