left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
