this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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