i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
