I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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