Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize