Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I would fuck him just for his dog
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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