Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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