I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
