I will die if light touches me.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
