I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
