I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
