my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just found a bag of teeth...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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