I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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