i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
