around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
