my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
