My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
