im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
