dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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