home. puking in laundry basket.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
