it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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