ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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