Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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